cultural-isms

Before we moved here nearly 3 years ago, we were told to approach our new culture with the attitude of, "not good, not bad, just different." I would say that for the most part, we can agree. We are still learning not to look at our way of doing things as "the only/right way." I do have to say, though, sometimes we still just can't wrap our brains around it. Just as in every culture, there are aspects of this culture that need redeeming. But sometimes, there are simply cultural differences. I won't comment on each aspect, only give you a sampling of some different ways of thinking we've encountered over the past few years and let you decide...

• Relationships here work on a quid pro quo basis. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. (And I may not "pay you back" in the way you expected.)
• Similarly, a common Confucian thought is translated "stand in the light." Meaning, those with the money or influence need to help others in their relationship network. We have seen examples of people here giving half their month's salary to help out a friend, knowing that said friend would and should do the same if they needed it. One is expected to take care of family and friends, but anyone outside of the relationship network is not a responsibility. (Which, in a mob of people, translates into everyone for himself! Lines are hard to come by here.)
• Our friends tell us to use eastern medicine for small health problems, but western medicine is ok to use if you have a big health problem. Once, when I was sick, a dear friend brought me some eastern medicine cough syrup containing snake bile. She was just watching out for me! :)
• Pregnant women must not use computers or cell phones or it will harm the baby. Also, for one month after a woman gives birth, she shouldn't wash her hair, bathe, or go outside for long periods of time. She can only eat certain foods such as chicken or eggs. However, it seems younger women these days rebel against some of this, especially the no hair-washing rule!
• Some foods are considered "hot" foods, and some are "cold" foods. Not temperature-hot, but hot in that they can upset your body's "balance" if you eat too much of it. For example, mangoes are considered hot foods. (Ok, so is beef and dog meat!) Kevin and I love mangoes, and they are so cheap here, but most of our friends say they won't eat them because they make them feel hot inside and give them sores in their throats. The "hot foods" idea is very complex and I still don't fully understand it...
• "Face" is a huge aspect of this culture. You try to save your own face and the face of your loved ones. Losing face is shameful. And, doing certain things can help your friends or family gain face. Often, matters are settled via friends or talking around a subject rather than confronting a situation head-on. However, there are some aspects in a conversation that are not "face" situations. For example, it's common to call someone "fat" or compare someone's ability with another's right to their face. It's not considered rude, just stating fact. (Although some of our friends tell us that those who call someone fat have no manners.)
• We frequently are told by people we meet on the street that we're the first foreigner they've ever met (particularly if we travel outside of our city into rural areas.) Grace is especially rare in that she's a foreign baby. So, there are instances when we scare small children because we look so different. Grace and I have made kids cry no less than three times in the past week. It's kind of funny (not that I enjoy making kids cry), but yes we are still the freak show from time to time. Of course Grace doesn't understand yet. She's learning to count and has many words in Asianese now. She still prefers Asian faces and thinks she is Asian herself. So, she was a little bewildered by this little girl's reaction today:

Grace went over to shake this little girl's hand, but once she touched her you can see what happened. Grace was just a little confused.
Oh well, no worries! Let's just go for a ride!